Things I wish I’d known:
▪ Shaving your armpits is a thing of the past (seriously it’s so difficult in the first weeks)
▪ Lying on your belly seems like a distant dream. I’m post op 2 months. It’s still a dream. Feels like lying on a stack of books. Eugh.
▪ Your boobs will bump into things. A lot. In my first week I regularly bashed the fridge door into them (I spent a lot of time in the fridge) and only recently I shut the shower door on one.
▪ The Cocoa Pop Complex. One day when feeling some soreness below my left boobs, I thought I’d massage the pain away. Except there seemed to be bubbly liquid stuff under my skin that popped like bubble wrap when pushed. It freaked. Me. Out. It’s just air from surgery. Don’t panic. It pops itself away. Snap. Crackle. Pop
▪ You will be in a perpetual state of discomfort. Got your wedge, your v pillow, your neck pillow? You’ll probably still be uncomfortable (unless your one of the lucky ones). Feel like you’ve got the right sitting position? Give it 2 minutes and see how you feel ?
▪ The back ache is real. I cried. Man did I cry. If I could have destroyed the house in anger I would’ve. Except I could barely pick up a pillow. I ended up taking my pain killers just so I could sleep a whole night. Get heat pads, get hot water bottles.
▪ Back rubs. I hate (as a general rule) massages. I don’t like people casually touching me. But man did I beg for constant back rubs. They’re so good. Make sure your ‘carer’ knows how to give a good back rub.
▪ Be prepared to lose whole days. I’d taken my pain killers at, say, 9:30. Next thing I know it’s 3pm and people are arriving home. This happened every day. Sometimes even when I didn’t take pain killers. You’ll be exhausted all the time. I started to regain a bit of consciousness around day 4. I wasn’t actually awake again til day 7. This doesn’t always happen but better to know it may!
▪ Fridge problems. My darling boyfriend and MIL bought all my favourite goodies. Except they put them on the top shelf. Out of 3 shelves I could reach one. Dedicate the bottom shelf to your stuff.
▪ Prepare to get stuck in clothes. After week 1 I could lift my arms up with ease. I put on a jumper, decided it was a bit snug, and then got stuck inside it. I had to walk to my boyfriend with my arms trapped above my head and a jumper covering my face. He laughed. A lot.
▪ Driving. I drove on day 9. Every pot hole, every speed bump and every corner were horrible. Taking a pillow to put under your new assets and something to take seat belt pressure away is a god send. You’ll look like an idiot but an idiot not in pain! I had a car pillow for the first week of driving.
▪ Dressing removal. I sh*t you not, this was the thing that caused me most pain. The nurse casually chatting away ripped these things off and I felt like she’d taken my implants with them. Ask them to be gentle. I had little tears on my skin afterwards.
▪ Zingers. Not the delicious chicken. Holy sh*t. When your sat at your desk in work and suddenly squeal and grab your boob- it’s begun. Nerves healing etc, give a sharp stabby pain. It’s random, and I think some gods way of having a laugh. They’re unpleasant but (at least in my case) over pretty fast.
It’s still the best thing I’ve done for myself though
