It's that time of year where you feel an abundance of pressure to make a New Year's resolution and post it all over social media because obviously if it's not on your newsfeed, it didn’t really happen. That’s the world we have become accustom to, let's be honest. Anyway, we want to tell you what those typical resolutions really mean by translating them for you:

1. “I will cut down on the alcohol”

= I will attempt dry January for one week.

2. “I will eat healthier”

= I will drink cucumber water for a couple of days then leave it on my desk at work for a week until it becomes a gross mess and the new water bottle needs to be thrown out.

3. “I will go to the gym”

= I will sign up for a spinning class then accidentally not set my alarm to go.

4. “I will be better with my money”

= I will sign up for a year’s free next day delivery with ASOS rather than just paying for next day delivery each time.


Probably should get them a Christmas card ????

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5. “I will stay in more”

= I will drink wine with my friends at home rather than out in town.

6. “ I will spend less time on social media”

= Deletes Instagram for 1 day.

7. “I will get more sleep”

= Starts a new series on Netflix... never sleep again.


Have yourself a bleak New Year. Six new #blackmirror stories, now streaming.

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8. “I will spend more time with family and friends”

= I will un-mute the WhatsApp groups I’m in.

9. “ I will become a vegetarian because I love animals”

= Mum makes a bacon sandwich and I have no willpower.

10. “I will run a marathon”

= Buys new running trainers, sends them back to pay for new heels.


???????????? @emystyleicon

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So how about you save everyone time and effort and just keep doing you no resolution required.