In every relationship throughout your past and present, it is said that you are either the reacher or a settler within the relationship.
The American comedy show “How I Met Your Mother” first brought the term to our attention but in a conversation with my male friend it has stirred my interest once again. He's now referring to his girlfriend as a reacher as he's just got a better job and has been “hammering the gym” (his words not mine). If you are not familiar with the terminology let me explain.
The reacher is the person that dates someone beyond their “league” “class” or “social standing” (not just looks).
The settler believes they have settled with their partner. They have the belief that they can/could do better.
It is often the case that roles can change during your relationship because of an event that may occur or during natural relationship growth. If you are always the reacher and your partner is always the settler then neither of you are growing or moving forward within your relationship.
Obviously when you first meet you may feel like you have met someone that is way out of your league. So you work to change that; you push yourself in your personal life, work life, start exercising, working on your self confidence and overall becoming a happier, better human in general (sometimes without even realizing it). This growth does not go unnoticed. Not wanting to fall behind, this will encourage your partner to push forward and up the ante.
Having roles is not to be seen as a bad thing though as a thriving relationship exists when you can take on both roles as a reacher and a settler. You are both building and advancing yourself without realizing it, encouraging your partner to grow.
However I would advise you to have this conversation amongst friends, maybe not directly with your partner as you may not hear the answer you are looking for.
Your view of yourself or others can change on a daily basis. Like one day your hair and skin are on point (good day) and the next you have an argument following a sh*tty day at work (bad day). This should not have you questioning your relationship!
The fact is, belief is a strong force. If you believe you are either the reacher or the settler, this will reflect in your relationship. Would you rather have resentment towards your partner believing that you are too good for them or would you rather be motivated towards constant growth in the belief that you might need to level up to match them?
So with this being said, do you think you are currently the reacher or the settler in your relationship? Vote on our Twitter now