14 days after… 10 new discoveries.
I’ve now made it through the first 14 days post op which are notoriously the worst. I expected this, I knew it wasn’t going to tickle… but some of the bizarre experiences and discoveries that have happened along the way to get me to the accomplished 14 day post op place has been bizarre to say the least. Of course I’m going to share all of this with you- my journey from day one has been completely honest and open, so why stop now. All you lovely ladies who have been through this will likely have a giggle to yourself and think “yep, I feel your pain girl” and those of you who are yet to embark on this weird yet wonderful journey, take it all tongue in cheek, because I swear it is completely worth it after.
Here it is… my 14 day post op 10 discoveries that I was not expecting-
1. It Hurts
Now I’m the type of girl who loves a belly laugh as much as possible and find the most trivial of things absolutely hilarious… which they say is good for the soul, its good to laugh. Between days 1-4 post breast augmentation it is most definitely not. It took me back a couple (more than a couple) of years when you are in school and are desperately trying not to laugh which results in more laughing- and crying because laughing isn’t fun- then laughing more because I cant stop laughing. Luckily I found a position much similar to a sleeping cat- which I adopted like a big boobed maniac every time something amused me.
I must have missed the part where I signed up for 2 boobs and a baby. My stomach resembled that carrying a 6 month child for at least 7 days post op… to the point that even sweat pants were not all that fit me right now. But it is 100% normal and each day its softening and getting smaller… just in time for the Christmas party!
3 The Boob Pain
Ok, you’re probably thinking I’m naive not expect pain after… but I did. I expected it to really hurt. But what I didn’t expect was the sudden little “shocker” pains that I would occasionally get which made me jump out of my skin- resulting in a fit of giggles of course… please refer to point 1.
4. The Emotions
I cried. A lot. Admittedly I’m an emotional person anyway, so any excuse to blubber and I’m on board. But for the first 7 days I cried at least once a day. Happy tears, tired tears, overwhelmed tears. Just tears. Again my nurse reassured me this is totally normal, which I took as my green light to sob without judgement whenever I pleased… extremely therapeutic.
5. Am I having a Phantom Pregnancy?
Much like a confused or lonely cat, after experiencing points 2, 3 and 4 I was convinced I was having some form of phantom pregnancy. I had the swollen stomach, sore breasts and irrational emotions- to the point where I now feel like I have the knowledge to join in on “pregnancy experience discussions”… again… the angel on earth who is my clinic nurse put my mind at ease (or started laughing- guess she thought I was kidding).
6. I met the Devil
...and it comes in the form of a breast band. Now not all surgeons use these delights post op and for those of you who don’t wake up in a breast band you will never understand how annoying these little contraptions are. Credit where credit is due- they have massively helped my breasts settle in the pockets, but I can guarantee at my 4 week point there will be a burning breast band outside of my door!
Stay with me here… for 2 weeks after my surgery I had to sleep propped up- which helps with healing. I expected this to maybe be a bit uncomfortable, ache my neck a bit and so on. But what I didn’t expect was the huge wedgie I would have to retrieve every morning. As my body would slowing slide down my pillow castle, my underwear and PJ’s would slide up… you know where. With my arms and shoulders being stiff, this was a much bigger problem to fix than I expected- my advice? Sleep commando post op.
8. The Cold Hurts
I have never heard this from any patients before about the strange swelling/squeezing feeling you experience in the cold during the first 2 weeks after breast surgery. Wow. Its so bizarre. I was in the freezer section of Morrisons when I had my first cold boob encounter and I ran out of the shop in a panic expecting my boobs to combust on the way out. Fortunately they were absolutely fine with zero swelling, so a heads up to all post op winter girls… this is totally normal.
I stank and it didn’t bother me as much as I expected. The thought of not having a “real” shower for two whole weeks was not something I was looking forward too but I really surprised (and grossed myself out a bit) at how much I enjoyed not showering. I enjoyed my little bird baths every morning, I enjoyed my waist deep bubble baths and enjoyed having an excuse for that 4pm “musk” after a busy day. “I know I don’t smell great, but I’ve had surgery so…” no one can say a thing.
10. Are these Boobs?
Someone send my boobs back to Mars. They are aliens. Weird, swollen, constantly changing aliens. They looked weird (especially days 1-7), they made weird noises (boob fart) and my nipples would go hard and soft randomly without any trigger. One boob was in the north pole, ones chilling in the south, one would be happy, one would be sad. But patience is key and despite being aliens, they get better and better everyday.
All in all it has been the weirdest and most unusual experience I have ever had, and one that I would happily do 100 times over. When I look back at my recovery, although I thought it would be cute tracksuits and sports bra selfies (it wasn’t I wore the same PJ’s for 7 days), it was in fact an amazing rollercoaster resulting in my own very lovely speed bumps. Ladies, if you are soon to embark on or if you are still living through these wonderful post op phenomenon’s, stick it out, because I know you feel a bit gross right now, but it is 100% worth it.